Let Her Go
by ForeverTreasure
Summary: It wasn't meant to be like this. We were over. We were finished. It all ended years ago. So why did it hurt so bad to watch her walk away from me a second time? Why did it hurt so damn much to let her go? A oneshot told by Edward and Bella about dealing with the loss of first love.


**Hello all! First things first _I AM NOT ABANDONING FIGHTING TEMPTATION!_ Just to put that out there. I'm working on the next chapter and hopefully will be updating soon. This oneshot is just something that I've been thinking about for a while and decided to put pen to paper - or keys to the screen? as it were :P **

**Anyways, as always, enjoy, and let me know what you think!**

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**Let Her Go**

**EPOV**

It wasn't meant to be like this. We were over. We were finished. It all ended years ago. So why did it hurt so bad to watch her walk away from me a second time? Why did it hurt so damn much to let her go?

"Edward, did you hear me?"

I looked up to see her stood by the door. She looked thoroughly fucked, her hair all mussed, her clothes all dishevelled. She looked a mess.

She looked fucking perfect.

"I said we can't do this anymore."

I stared, uncomprehending. Why was she doing this? _Again._

She sighed heavily, looking down at her shoes in her hand, away from my glare.

We both knew what she said was bullshit.

She'd have another fight with that fucking tool, or she'd leave his bed unsatisfied, or she'd become tired and bored once again with the mundane routine that was now her life and she'd be crawling back into my bed, begging me to make her forget.

It happened time and time again.

And every fucking time she gave me the same speech before she left. "We can't do this anymore", "I love him", "I have my own life" blah fucking blah.

"Yeah, okay, sweetheart, whatever you say." I muttered sarcastically as I stood, wrapping the sheet from the bed around my waist and heading out to the kitchen, brushing past her, to get some ice for my now warm whiskey.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that," she shouted as she followed me.

I winced, my head starting to pound.

"Don't fucking shout at me," I yawned, scratching the back of my neck as I grabbed some ice from the freezer.

"I'll shout whenever I fucking want." She snapped, "How dare you be so fucking patronising."

I turned to face her, taking a sip of whisky from the tumbler in my hand. I blinked slowly.

This was new. Our conversations never really went past her lecturing ritual. She usually decided this "thing" was finished and she would leave before running back to me again in less than forty-eight hours. Tops.

She was glaring at me, her jacket still slung over one arm, her bag in one hand her heels in the other. She laughed once through her nose, humourlessly, shaking her head. "Un-fucking-believable." She said. "You can't say it, can you? You can't even say what you really _want _to say. You just make snide little comments, like you're better than everyone."

"I don't want to say anything." I told her, calmly.

"Really? So what did your little remark mean, then, huh?"

"Oh, come on, darling, we both know you're full of shit." I swallowed the rest of the whiskey before pouring another glass.

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

I rolled my eyes, "It means you and I both know you're gonna be back here the second you get off work."

"Yeah?" She asked angrily, "Well, at least you and I both know you'll be sat here waiting."

She spun round heading for the door.

My fingers clenched tightly around the tumbler.

I laughed loudly without any fucking humour. Bitch didn't know shit. "You think you're the only pussy I'm getting?" I followed her as she stormed to the door but she turned sharply to face me at my utterance. "Please," I scoffed, "I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a nice little fuck and everything, but it's the blondes that really do it for me. If anything you're the bit on the side, hon. And if I'm being honest, not quite up to their standards."

The heel of one of her shoes caught my temple. "Fuck!" I shouted, clutching my head. "Do you know how fucking close that was to my eye! You could have blinded me!"

"No one talks to me like that." She was pointing her finger at me, her voice trembling in her anger. "No one."

"What the fuck do you expect when you throw yourself at people like some whore?!"

"I don't throw myself at anyone," she snapped, "You're a fucking booty call, Edward. You should really get off your fucking high horse and get over yourself. You're not that special."

"Why the hell do you need a booty call, sweetheart?" I growled. "If your life is so perfect, if you're so in love with that asshole then why the fuck do you need me?"

"I don't need you." She shouted, red in the face. "I don't need anything from you."

"Then why are you here?" I roared. "Why do you come running back?"

She spluttered angrily for an answer.

"Exactly," I snapped when she couldn't find the words that adequately expressed how fucked up she was. She needed me and she in was in denial.

The woman was hot on my heels as I made my way back to the bedroom, her bag and jacket thrown to the floor.

"My life_ is_ perfect. You're right. I _am_ in love with him. And you wanna know why? Because he's ten times the man you are."

I laughed, putting the glass down on the bedside table. "Please, babe, if he satisfied you, if you were so fucking happy with him you wouldn't be here having this conversation."

"Conversation?!" she shrieked, "You don't have the fucking mental capacity to hold a conversation, Edward, because once again you're drunk out of your fucking mind because you can't handle your pathetic excuse of a life."

"Honey, you would know if I was drunk. This is called a hangover, and it's the worst fucking hangover known to man because I have some bat shit crazy woman – who lives her fucking life in the land of denial, in fact she's been there so fucking long she actually believes her own bullshit – screaming in my ear."

"I'm in denial?!" She laughed derisively, "Edward, come on, let's be honest now. You think I believe my own bullshit?"

"I know you do."

She laughed again, softly this time, her voice low and tired. "Edward, you don't even know you're bullshitting anymore."

I rolled my eyes, throwing myself backwards onto the bed, burying my face in my hands.

"What do I bullshit about, then, huh?"

"You can't admit to your own feelings." She said, with some resemblance of calm.

"I can't feel anything apart from the pounding in my head because of your screaming." I muttered.

"See, there you go again, skirting round the situation. You can't even finish a conversation, let alone anything else in your life."

I thought I wasn't capable of _holding_ a conversation, baby. "What's that supposed to mean?" I growled, lifting my head to look at her.

"It means you never finish anything, you never see anything through. You jump from one job to the next knowing absolutely nothing about what you want to do with your life, you dropped out of college, you eat a hot pocket and call it dinner, and you fuck girl after girl and you can't even finish _that_ properly."

"Excuse me?" I sat up.

"What? You're telling me they actually _enjoy_ not achieving an orgasm because you blow it too fucking quick?"

Now that was bullshit if I ever smelt it. I got to my feet quickly, fuming, my face inches away from hers. She didn't flinch or back away. My voice was low and fucking deadly. "You're telling me you didn't come, baby? You're telling me you weren't screaming my name not ten minutes ago as I pounded my cock into your pussy? Your dripping, wet pussy." I purred.

Her chocolate eyes were darkening, her gaze became heated. She bit her rosy red bottom lip and fuck me if my dick didn't twitch under the sheet. Her chest was heaving as her eyes flickered from both of mine to my mouth and back again.

I lifted my hand and brushed back a strand of hair from her flushed face before letting my fingertips trail sensually down her throat, over her collarbone. I squeezed her beautiful tit as I passed, down her toned, flat stomach to cup the heat between her legs.

She let out a trembling breath.

"You can lie to me all you want, sweetheart, but your body fucking sings to me."

I moved my face closer to hers, so close I could count each of her eye lashes. My breath washed over her face as my lips murmured huskily against hers, "You can lie and pretend and bullshit all you want, but deep down, you know that you hate your life. You know that you're not in love with him. Deep down, you know you're craving something fresh, something raw, something exciting."

I heard her shoe thump to the ground as she dropped it. I rubbed my hand against her, the other trailing up and down her arm before capturing her hand in mine. "You know that you want things that he can't give you, things that only I can give you." I moved my lips to her ear, grazing her lobe with my teeth. She shivered. "You know you need this." I moved her hand to rest on my bare chest, trailing it down my abs to my covered hard on. "You know you need me."

I moved my lips back to hover over hers, not kissing her, not yet, but just close enough that my mouth grazed gently across hers when I spoke again. "You know you fucking love it."

Her arms were suddenly thrown around my neck, her mouth crashing to mine, and I caught her as she jumped, her legs wrapping around my waist, my hands holding her up by her delectable ass.

"I fucking hate you." She growled between kisses, thrusting her tongue into my mouth.

"I fucking hate you, too." I muttered as I stumbled backwards until the back of my legs hit the bed.

"Why do you do this to me?" She whimpered as I kissed down her neck before turning, spinning us round and throwing her onto the bed. She bounced with a yelp. "Asshole." Before she leaned up on her knees to grab me by my hair, smacking our lips together in a furious kiss, bringing me down to her as she lowered back to the bed.

I shoved off her little sexy waistcoat and unbuttoned her white, crisp shirt as she untied the knot I had made in the bed sheet around my waist.

I didn't bother pulling the shirt completely off her shoulders before I reached down to unbutton her slacks and yank them off her legs. Her smooth, creamy legs, the kind teenage boys had wet dreams about.

I licked my lips and grinned when I saw she hadn't bothered putting her panties back on.

She watched me through long lashes and heavy lidded eyes, lust radiating from her in waves, as I leaned down to swipe my tongue across her delicious pussy.

She cried out, arching her back as she grasped my hair in her fists, tugging and pulling.

I lapped at her entrance, thrusting my tongue in and out, loving her taste, never able to get enough of it. I replaced my tongue with my fingers, rubbing against that little spot that made her toes curl.

"Unnggh!" She whimpered.

I wrapped my lips around her clit and sucked, flicking my tongue against it over and over.

I had her fucking screaming. Fuck that. I had her screaming my name.

She gasped, panting breathlessly when she finally opened her eyes, but I wasn't finished with her yet.

I grabbed her hands from my hair, interlocking our fingers, and pinned them above her head. Then I nudged her legs open wider with my own, settling myself down between them, rubbing my aching dick against her warm wetness.

"Please," she whined.

"Does he make you feel like this, Bella?" I growled, "Huh? Does he make you fall apart? Does he have you begging for it?"

"Fuck, Edward, please!"

"Answer me."

"No!" She snapped, angrily, bucking her hips, "He doesn't make me feel like this. He doesn't make me scream. Please, Edward. Make me scream."

I thrust into her and captured her scream in my mouth as I planted my lips to hers, swallowing her cries of pleasure. Stifling my own.

Fuck. Why? Why did she have to make me feel like this?

I pounded hard. Faster, harder, just like she asked, hitting her g-spot with each thrust of my hips.

Her pussy – so warm, so wet, so fucking perfect – clenched tightly around me, sending me closer and closer to the edge. Only she had me losing it this quickly, only she had me losing complete control. My girl fucking owned me.

"You gonna come, baby?" I panted, my hard, deep thrusts never ceasing, even for a second.

She nodded frantically, her eyes closed tight, her mouth open as she gasped and whined and made those sexy little sounds that had my cock hardening further inside of her.

"Fuck, Bella," I hissed, grinding against her so my body rubbed against her clit as I thrust.

"Edward! Shit, Edward I'm…"

"Come, baby." I growled through clenched teeth.

"Fuck, Edward!" She came with my name on her lips and I followed, seconds later, burying my face in her neck.

I slumped against her, breathing heavily, relaxing into the feel of her body, warm, slick with perspiration, and fucking heavenly underneath my own.

I savoured it. I closed my eyes and let the feeling envelop me because I knew it was seconds away from being over.

She flexed her fingers against mine where they were still interlocked above our heads.

I slid my hands from hers, placing them on the bed either side of her so I could push myself off, rolling onto my back next to her.

We lay side by side, staring up at the ceiling, our quiet panting breaths slowing – the only sound in the darkness surrounding us.

I closed my eyes when I felt the bed shift next to me as she sat, pulling her clothes back on.

I said nothing.

I said nothing when she reached over, grabbing the tumbler of whiskey from where I had placed on the nightstand, and swallowed the shot.

I said nothing when she stood to get her shoes and pull them on.

I said nothing when she fetched her purse and jacket from the other room.

I said nothing when she came back in and murmured softly, "I have to go."

I had said nothing when she accused me of having nothing to say, when she accused me of not being able to say what I wanted.

I frowned when I heard the front door close behind her.

I said nothing and let her go.

Because she wasn't mine to keep.

She wasn't my girl. Not anymore.

***LHG***

**BPOV**

I stared at the ring on my finger, six-carat diamond, princess cut settled between two smaller gems – sapphires to be exact.

It was beautiful…striking. It was…

"Fucking huge!"

My head snapped up sharply when I heard my best friend exclaim loudly for everyone in the small Starbucks to hear.

Before I could even open my mouth to greet her she had grabbed my hand in both of hers so she could inspect the thing.

Damn, I should really stop calling it the thing. It was a ring. An engagement ring. _My_ engagement ring.

"Jesus Christ, you could kill someone with this thing!"

I gave Alice a weak smile whilst pulling back my left hand, successfully yanking her into the seat opposite me. "Please stop shouting," I mumbled out the corner of my too big smile, "people are staring."

"Well, if they're staring they'll be blinded, I mean, fucking hell, how much does that thing weigh?" The small pixie with amazingly powerful strength dumped her Prada bag at her feet while reaching for my mug and taking a sip.

"Sorry, I would have got you one," I gestured to my caramel latte, "I didn't know what you would want." Lies. I hadn't wanted to get her anything caffeinated before being completely aware of her state, Alice could be a little over-exuberant at times – why we continued to meet at coffee shops was beyond me. I really should have learned by now.

"Don't worry about it, hey, are you okay?" Her perfectly pencilled eyebrows frowned at me in concern.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I laughed it off.

Alice shrugged one shoulder, "Dunno, you look a bit pale. I guess that freshly engaged glow they talk about it bullshit, huh?"

"Uh, I think you get the glow when you're pregnant."

"Oh…well, that doesn't make sense. The "glow", as it were, is surely just sweat from carrying ten pounds in your stomach all day."

I snorted.

"So," Alice's eyes gleamed as she folded her arms on the table and leaned in forward, "how was it?"

"How was what?"

She gave me The Look, the one especially reserved for me. It was The Look she gave me when I said oh so stupid things like, "Why don't you just get a fake Prada bag, you'll save yourself a fortune!".

"What do you mean how was what? You're sitting here with fucking Mount Everest on your finger and you're asking me 'how was _what_?'"

I took a long drink of my latte, stalling for time.

"So you like the ring then?" I asked, waving my fingers, my _aching_ fingers, that is.

"It's uh…it's very…out there, huh?"

I nodded slowly. Indeed it was. "Well, there's nothing really _wrong_ with it, the diamond's beautiful, the sapphires are beautiful it's just a bit…big, and very in your face. It just not..."

"You." Alice supplied.

I bit my lip, twisting the ring around my finger as I stared at it. "There's nothing wrong with that." I said quickly, "I mean, just because its not something I would choose for myself doesn't mean that it doesn't look good or that I don't like it…"

I looked up to see Alice's knowing gaze watching me carefully.

"Mmhmm." Not convinced. "So…" she tried again. "How did he do it?"

"Do what?" I mumbled against the rim of my mug.

Alice rolled her eyes, "Bella, quit stalling, he…he had planned it, right? I mean…it was a wonderful, thrilling, heart warming surprise that completely took your breath away…wasn't it? Because, let me tell you, that was how it _should_ have been."

The girl knew me too fucking well. She could tell the proposal wasn't something I was particularly inclined to discuss, and not only that but she knew Mike well enough to know that romance wasn't exactly something that could be considered his forte.

I sighed, "Well, it was definitely a surprise that took my breath away."

I think I may have actually choked on a breath when the massive rock slipped out of the pocket of Mike dirty jeans I had just been about to put through the wash.

My eyes must have been nearly bursting out of their sockets, my mouth gaping.

"What is it?" Mike had asked, frowning when he heard me practically gasping for air at the monster of all rings in my hand. Then he saw it and all colour had drained from his face. "Oh. You weren't supposed to see that yet." He snatched the ring from my hand and went to shove it in a pocket before realising he was stood in the middle of the kitchen in his Bart Simpson underwear and nothing else.

Then he stared at me, wide eyes, stuttering and stumbling, "I, um…uh…" he took a huge gulp, "So…do you wanna?"

"And you said yes?" Alice gaped at me from across the table as if I had just told her Gucci had gone bankrupt.

"Well…yeah." I watched her as a range of different emotions flashed across her face, letting her take in this information. She shook her head a couple of times, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"Bella…I just…" She shook her head again as though trying to clear her thoughts.

"What?"

Alice sighed heavily before meeting my eyes with her sky blue ones and holding me there. "I just don't get it, Bella. I don't."

"Get what?"

"You want me to be honest?"

"Always," I told her.

She sighed again, rubbing her hands over her face, and muttered something that sounded like, "We need something stronger than coffee for this." After another deep breath she turned to look back at me and asked, "Why Mike?"

I frowned, "What?"

"Why did you say yes to Mike?"

"Have you seen the size of this thing," I lifted my hand, "I couldn't say no, imagine how much this cost." I joked a little desperately.

Alice shook her head, "No, I don't mean why did you say yes to the proposal I mean why did you say yes when he asked you out?"

"I…we…"

"And don't say because you were drunk." Alice rose her eyebrows.

"Look, the fact that I was drunk when he asked me out doesn't mean anything."

"Right, so the intoxicated Bella thinks and behaves just as sober Bella does? Honey, if that were true, you'd walk around twenty-four hours a day butt naked."

"That was one time!" I hissed at her, looking around to make sure nobody had heard her, "I was drunk, it was a dare and it will never happen again."

"Beside the point," Alice flicked her hand in dismissal. "Next question. Why have you stayed together all this time?"

"Hey, hey, hey, hold on, you didn't give me a chance to answer."

Alice just stared at me expectantly with a look that clearly showed she was waiting for complete bullshit. Well, I'd show her.

"Everyone says that things said and done while drunk are sober thoughts."

She stared blankly before saying, "So you always think about running around naked?"

"…"

"My point exactly. Next question. Why are you still with him?"

"I…" I wasn't enjoying this interrogation. "He's responsible, he has a steady job, drives within the speed limit-"

Alice held her hand, palm out, towards my face, "Okay, I think I've heard enough of that. Answer me this: what do you have in common with Mike?"

Well, this was an easy one, I mean, it's surely not possible for a couple to stay together if they have absolutely nothing in common, right? Right. All Alice wants is one thing, that's easy…so why is it so goddamn hard to think of something?

Alice opened her mouth, about to retort with her annoying "I told you so" voice but I jumped in before she could speak.

"Taco Bell!"

She frowned at me, "What?"

"We both hate Taco Bell."

Alice narrowed her eyes and I determinedly held her stare. I was not going to back down. I refused to back down. Bella! Do _not_. Back. The fuck. Down!

She blinked. Yes!

I calmly took another sip of my latte.

"Whatever." Alice stood to order her own coffee and when she came back she startled me with another question. "Have you told Edward?"

I stared at her, "I…what…that's just…" I shook my head, "Why you feel I should concern him with my relationship status is beyond me."

"So that'll be a no. When are you going to tell him?"

"Why should I tell him? I have absolutely nothing to do with him, this _engagement_ has absolutely nothing to do with him and I have no idea why you think it relevant."

I mean, so what if I jumped at the chance to marry Mike not even a full twelve hours after my fight with Edward? It meant nothing. He meant nothing. I told him I was moving on, that we had to stop with that shit and we had. I hadn't been back to his in four weeks and three days. It was totally over.

"Okay Miss I-Lie-To-Myself-And-Like-It-That-Way."

I frowned, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"I don't know," I lied, "Whenever it was you and I bumped into him-"

"Don't bullshit me, Bella, I'm not blind, I'm not an idiot but I am your best friend. And Edward used to be a good friend and he still is my big brothers friend…sort of."

Edward wasn't friends with anyone anymore. I sighed and took a sip.

"When was the last time you slept with him?"

I tried to cover my mouth when caramel latte sprayed onto the table, luckily not all over Alice. I grabbed for napkins to mop up the mess. "Fuck, I'm sorry, did I get any on you? Could you pass me another napkin? Oh shit! I-"

"Bella. Bella stop. Just stop." Alice took my hands in hers. I looked up at her and couldn't help feeling completely and utterly defeated.

"How did you know?" I asked softly.

"Because for about nine months or so there would be days where Bella would be back."

"…what do you mean?"

"I mean the old you, the fun you, the Bella who streaked through the lobby of a five star hotel because my goof of a brother dared her too. The Bella who was feisty and stubborn and stood up for herself and what she believed in. The Bella who wasn't scared of getting her heart broken.

"For those few months I sometimes got to see the Bella you were when you were with Edward. And you know what? That Bella had balls. And I saw her in your eyes, sometimes, I saw her when you questioned yourself, when you asked yourself if Mike was what you really wanted. She had the _guts_ to question everything that could potentially change everything about her life that she had come to know." I looked down the mess on the table, no longer wanting to look at Alice, no longer wanting to hear the things she was saying. "_That's_ how I knew."

I sniffed before replying curtly, "Well that Bella doesn't exist anymore." I pulled my hands out of hers and grabbed my bag. "You're going to have to find a way to deal with that, Alice, because I'm not with Edward and I never will be again. I'm getting married to Mike. I _love_ Mike." I stood and tucked my chair in. "And I want you at my wedding. I want you to be my Maid of Honour. I want to have you there, with me, by my side, on my wedding day without being terrified that you're going to say something when the priest asks if anyone has any objections. So, please, work out whatever issues you have with Mike before giving me your answer, okay?"

I swallowed thickly, blinking fiercely – making sure that my voice wouldn't tremble when I spoke again. "I'll see you later."

I walked out of the coffee shop with tear filled vision, not daring to look back.

***LHG***

**EPOV**

"Bella's getting married."

"_Hi."_

_I looked up from the book I was reading to find the prettiest girl I had ever seen in my life stood at the bottom of my porch steps. She was dressed in skinny jeans and a jean jacket matched with an old pair of converses. _

"_Hi," I snapped the book shut._

"_I'm Bella Swan," she smiled, her cheeks blushing, "I just moved in across the street."_

_I nodded, I had seen the removal vans this morning, "Edward Cullen."_

_Bella bit her lip. 'Edward Cullen' that's all I could think of to say? A pretty girl was standing in front of me and that's all that came out of my mouth?_

_The awkward pause stretched on for a little while before Bella exclaimed, "Oh," she lifted up a covered plate she had in her hand. "These are some cookies from my mom…" she hesitantly stumbled up the steps to pass me the plate where I sat on the porch swing. _

"_Uh…thanks." I took the plate. "Shouldn't it be the other way around, though?"_

"_I guess." Bella grimaced, "Renee, my mom, she's a bit…eccentric. Likes to do things her way…well, likes to do things differently to everyone else."_

_I smiled as I pulled back the covering over the plate to find…"Uh, what sort of cookies are these?"_

_Bella flushed, "She's also not the greatest cook. I would have made them myself had I known she was going to insist on me bringing something over." Bella watched me as I picked up a cookie, wanting to be polite but not sure if I was willing to risk food poisoning. "Don't worry," she said quickly, "you can throw them away. I won't tell her."_

_I gave her a sheepish smile as I set the plate down at my feet. "So where are you from, Bella?"_

_She shrugged a little, "Here, there, everywhere. I was born in Phoenix but, we move around a lot. Mom likes to experiment with…new things." Bella gave a small, sad little sigh and I frowned. "How about you? Lived here your whole life?"_

_I nodded, "Yep, pretty much. You're lucky, you know."_

"_How's that?" _

"_Moving around. I mean, I've been on vacation and stuff but I've lived here since I was born and, well, you'll soon find out that Forks can get a little boring sometimes." Forks was fucking tiny. This girl was gonna be bored for the rest of her life. _

"_I guess." she mumbled, "But it's hard trying to make friends and keep friends when you never know how long you're going to be in one place. I think…I think I might like this town."_

_My eyebrows rose, "Really?"_

_Bella giggled, "Yeah. It's a small town so everybody knows everybody, am I right?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_So, it might be easier to make friends here."_

"_True," I murmured. "But not only does everybody know everybody, everyone knows everything there is to know about everyone's business. And that's not so great."_

"_Got something to hide?" She grinned. _

_I found myself smiling back, "No, but I may have one or two secrets I like to keep to myself."_

_She arched an eyebrow, "Such as the fact that you like to read vampire romance novels?" Bella glanced at the book I had placed next to me on the swing._

_I snatched it up, heat rising in my cheeks, "The vampire stuff is cool, okay?" I muttered defensively._

"_Don't worry," she held her hands up, before leaning in to whisper, "your secret's safe with me."_

_I narrowed my eyes at her but she only grinned back, locking her lips with an imaginary key. _

"_So, Edward," Bella said, sitting herself beside me, "are you a junior?"_

"_Sophomore."_

"_Me too. We might have some of the same classes at school." _

"_Mmm, that's great, you know I'm really not too sure about how well you can keep a secret, after all, I don't really know you."_

"_I guess you're right," she said simply._

"_So, I think you should tell me a secret, then we'll be even."_

"_Hmm…you wanna know a secret…"_

_I waited impatiently. Then suddenly she stood, snatching the grey beanie from my head, my favorite hat. "Hey!"_

_Bella skipped off the porch, placing my hat on her head as she went. "It's getting late. I guess I'll just have to tell you a secret tomorrow."_

"_But-"_

"_See you around, Edward," she called over her shoulder. Smiling that sweet smile at me as she went. _

_A week went by and Bella still had yet to complete her part of the deal. And she still had yet to give me back my hat. _

_People were starting to talk. I wore that hat all the time and to see the new girl wearing it while she traded barbs and banter with me in the hallways had the school exchanging rumours every which way. _

_Within a week Bella had become the first thing I thought about when I woke up and the last thing I thought about before I went to bed. She drove me insane! One minute she'd be all sweet and blushing and shy and the next she was winking at me and giggling with Alice, her new best friend. _

_Of course, as her neighbour and her first "friend" I guessed, although I didn't like the sound of the word, I had introduced her to _my_ friends. And along with my friends came Alice, Emmett's little sister. And now they were constantly whispering and giggling with each other – though Alice had yet to change Bella's effortless, carefree sense of style, much to her dismay. _

_Within two weeks Bella was _my_ best friend. We had a few lessons together, she'd sit with me at lunch and we'd share rides to and from school. After school, if I didn't have football practice – though even then she would sometimes stay and watch – she would come to my house or I would be at hers. Renee and Charlie were so used to seeing me there would always be enough food for me to stay for dinner. But dinner at the Swan residence was often avoided – Bella had been right about her mother's cooking skills – and Renee and Charlie ate with my parents a lot, much to Chief Swan's relief. _

_And yet Bella still had yet to tell me a secret. And I still didn't have my hat back. _

"_This is getting old, Swan," I told her after a month of her being in Forks, "Either you tell me your secret or give me the hat back."_

_Bella simply smiled before she very suddenly leaned over to kiss my cheek. I was too shocked to even move. She whispered into my ear. "A secret? I'm gonna marry you one day, Cullen."_

_Then she leaned back in her seat like nothing had happened. _

_That evening I had paced up and down my porch for a good hour, psyching myself up to just go over there and ask her out. This was Bella. I knew Bella. I knew all there was to know about Bella Swan and she knew all there was to know about me. She was my best fucking friend. _

_Shit. Did I want to ruin that? _

_Surely she would be expecting me to ask her out after what happened today._

_Maybe she was joking._

_Maybe this was all just one big joke. _

_I mean-_

"_Hi."_

_I looked up to see Bella standing at the bottom of the porch steps, hands in her pockets, looking up at me with a warm smile. Wearing my fucking hat. She looked gorgeous in it. _

"_Hi," I said breathlessly. _

"_Wanna know a secret?" She asked softly, biting her lip like she always did when she was nervous. "I'll give you three." _

_I nodded, watching her as she stood on the first step._

"_I'm terrified that I freaked you out today."_

_She took another step. "I didn't plan on telling you that I liked you today. I wasn't going to tell you until I was certain that Renee wasn't going to change her mind about living in Forks."_

_Bella took one more step so she was no level with me on the porch. _

"_And I'm really scared that you don't feel the same way and I'm going to lose my best friend. My first true friend."_

"_Wanna know a secret?" I breathed. We were stood so close, nearly touching. I stared into the chocolate, caramel coffee of her eyes as she nodded slowly. "I really want to kiss you right now."_

"_I want that, too." She whispered._

_My hands hesitantly held her waist until one reached up to cup her flushed cheek. I brushed my nose gently across hers making her smile. I smiled in return before I softly pressed my lips to hers. Once, twice, again and again. _

"_I'm keeping your hat by the way," she breathed between kisses. _

"_Better take care of it," I said, "it's lucky."_

"_What makes it lucky?"_

"_This night, a month ago, I was wearing it and I met you. Now you're wearing it and I'm kissing you."_

"_I wonder what will happen next month." Bella grinned. _

"_Maybe I'll wear it to our wedding."_

_We had to stop kissing because we were laughing so hard. _

"Edward…did you hear me? Bella's getting married."

"…yeah, Emmett, I heard you."

I pressed the end call button, taking a deep breath as I stared at the wall opposite my bed.

My hand around the cell gripped it so fucking tight it was shaking, trembling, I couldn't stop it. My heart was pounding in my ears. All I could hear was my harsh, loud breaths in the stillness of the room.

"FUCK!" Suddenly the phone was out of my hand and smashed hard against the wall.

And my hands were still shaking.

Just let her go, man. Fuck. Just let her go.

***LHG***

**BPOV**

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face when I opened the front door to be greeted by Charlie.

"Dad!"

"Hey, Bells." He opened in his arms and pulled me in for a hug, "How are you?"

"I'm good, how about you? Thought about taking a holiday from work yet?" I opened the door wider before following him inside and leading my dad to the kitchen.

Charlie chuckled, "I don't think so. Forks needs their Chief."

I rolled my eyes while pouring him a cup of coffee, "It's a small town, Dad, I'm sure they can manage for a week or so, a long weekend at the very least."

"I have holidays," Charlie grumbled, sitting himself down at the island.

I placed the mug in front of him, "Christmas doesn't count, everyone should have Christmas day off work."

"Stop pestering your old man, will you? I come to surprise you with a visit here in Port Angeles and this is what I get for my efforts?" He teased.

"It takes effort to visit your only daughter?" I pressed a hand to my chest, "Dad, I'm hurt."

"You know that's not true," he said with a grin, taking a sip of his coffee. "Where's this fiancé of yours then?"

I bit my lip. Shit. "So that's why you're here? And there I was thinking you'd been missing me."

"You know I miss you, Bells," Charlie mumbled gruffly, never one for openly sharing his emotions – came with the job of being a cop I guessed. He cleared his throat, "But you're trying to change the subject." His sharp perceptiveness came with the job too, which royally sucked.

"Mike's at work, Dad."

"On a Sunday?"

I offered a shrug, "He has a demanding job."

"Hmm," Charlie grumbled.

I sighed. Charlie hated that Mike was a defence lawyer, _"Sets free the little shits I work damn hard to put in there" _was an utterance I had heard from my father more times than I cared to count.

"Who's he trying to get off this time, a paedophile or a serial killer?"

"Dad, please," I murmured. "It's difficult enough trying to convince Mike if you were going to shoot him you would have done it already, can we please leave the job thing alone? It's getting kinda old."

Charlie sighed, "I'm sorry kid, I'll try my best, okay?"

"Thank you." I made my way into the living room and Charlie followed, sitting in the armchair while I sat myself on the couch.

"The little punk should have asked for my blessing, though."

"Dad!" I cried, exasperated, burying my face in my hands.

"Well he should have!" Charlie protested. "Edward had the courtesy to ask me."

My head snapped up. "What?"

Charlie froze. Then he shuffled his feet, clearing his throat. He picked up his mug from where he had placed it on the coffee table before putting it back down again and twisting it in circles.

"What did you just say?" My voice was raspy, hardly above a whisper.

"I…I said Mike should have asked for my blessing."

"No, after that, Dad." I said slowly. I winced at the trembling in my voice.

Charlie coughed uncomfortably.

"What do you mean Edward had the courtesy to ask you? What did he ask you?"

"He, uh…" Charlie's eyes were shifting, glancing about the room, looking everywhere but at me.

"Charlie!" I snapped.

He heaved a sigh before finally looking at me, "Edward asked for my blessing. He was going to ask you to marry him."

I stared, unable to take my eyes from Charlie's – identical in colour to my own. "W-…" I shook my head, as though doing so would make the noise ringing in my ears, the static in my head, the shock of what Charlie had said, just disappear. "What did you tell him?"

I was surprised Charlie had even heard me. "I…I gave him my blessing."

My heart was thumping in my chest, so fucking hard I thought it was going to burst. "When? When did he…when?"

"Right before Christmas in your first year of college. It was right before-"

"Carlisle and Esme died." I breathed.

Charlie nodded slowly. "Right before the accident. I assumed that's why he didn't propose at Christmas like he said he would. Poor kid had just buried his whole family."

"What…" I swallowed thickly, "when…?"

Charlie seemed to understand what I was trying to say – either that or he thought he would just tell me everything. "It was the day you guys all got back from college for the holidays." Charlie laughed once through his nose, "Alice was bouncing up and down like crazy in Carlisle and Esme's kitchen. He asked me when Alice had pulled you away to go shopping or something."

I remembered. Shit, I remembered everything. Edward had been acting strange all day. I kept asking him what was wrong on the drive back to Forks. It was planned that Edward, Emmett, Rose – Emmett's new girlfriend – her brother Jasper and I would all head for the Cullen's house where the rents would be waiting. And Alice of course.

The closer and closer we came to home the weirder Edward behaved. He was continuously running his hands through his hair – something he only did when he was angry or nervous – and not only that, he kept drifting off into his own world and his eyes would get all wide and panicked and he would jump a foot in the air when I called his name to get his attention.

He was planning on asking for Charlie's blessing. He did ask for Charlie's blessing. He just never got to ask me.

"I can't say I was surprised. You guys had been attached to the hip since we moved to Forks, and it was plain as day – even to me – that the boy was smitten with you. Whipped he was." Charlie chuckled. "I did wonder, though, if you would have said yes."

"Why wouldn't I have?" I asked, my voice husky with unshed tears.

"Well, after everything that happened with your Mom and I, and the constant moving around – I wasn't sure if marriage was something you wanted."

Charlie and Renee's divorce did hit me hard. Fuck, I'd been prone to fucking panic attacks ever since.

Would I have said yes?

I wasn't sure.

Not two seconds ago there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I would have said yes had Edward asked me to marry him. Edward may have been smitten with me but it was far from unrequited. I was in love with him. Completely.

But Charlie did have a point. My parent's divorce had really rocked me to my core.

They had sat me down, only about a year or so after we had moved to Forks, and told me they were getting divorced. Renee's bags were packed and she was gone not a week later. It fucking hurt. And I saw how much it hurt Charlie, he never quite got over it. Even now he lived in the same house, with the kitchen cupboards still painted yellow – Renee's attempt to bring sunlight into the house – and there was still their wedding picture to be found on the fireplace along with a picture of the three of us hung up along the stairs.

Although, he did have a girlfriend, with whom he now lived with. Sue Clearwater from the Quileute Reservation near Forks. They'd been together a year now, and honestly, I thought we'd be celebrating their wedding before we were celebrating mine.

The thought of Edward changing his mind, the reminder of the countless towns and cities and people, the pure loneliness I felt because of Renee's whims, the way she just upped and left not even within a week…maybe I would have said no to Edward.

I don't know.

Fuck, why I was even thinking about this I had no idea.

He could have asked me to marry him but he didn't. Contemplating my answer and what would have happened if he had was ridiculous.

He didn't ask me, I didn't answer, end of story.

Finished.

Done.

Over.

Goodbye.

The End.

So why did this sudden news completely throw me? Why was it making me question every little fight, every word, every kiss, every memory between Edward and I since the Christmas we were nineteen years old?

***LHG***

**BPOV**

"You need to make more room in your closet."

I looked up from where I sat on my bed, my head dizzy from staring at menus and dresses and flowers all day. Alice had the doors of my closet wide open and was surveying its contents with a frown.

Yeah. Alice was back. She had returned two weeks ago and with her she brought all her wedding planning skills, ideas and catalogues and seating charts and flowers and centrepieces. My bet was that she felt guilty about pushing the whole Edward thing and this was her apology.

This was Alice's way of showing I had her acceptance, whether she was happy about it or not – by planning my wedding…which was now only a couple of weeks away.

"A month?!" She had shrieked when she returned, "You're giving me a month to plan your wedding?"

"I just want to get this thing over and done with." I had sighed then faltered when she stared at me with an eyebrow arched, "I…I mean…ugh, you know what I mean."

Alice had kept shooting me funny looks the rest of the day, but I had to give her some credit, she had said nothing about it and graciously gave herself the task of planning the whole thing.

I had given her the freedom to do what she wanted. I didn't care. But not even four hours into planning the thing and I had already been having my doubts. The wedding was now huge and it had taken her three days to finish the freaking seating chart.

"So what if my closet's a bit messy," that was an understatement. Whenever I opened the doors I felt like I was falling into a black hole. Yet I still braved the fight every morning, thrusting my hand inside the dark mass of clothes and shoes and purses and three years worth of crap to yank out whatever item it was I needed. "I hate cleaning the thing, Alice."

"Well that's obvious." She scoffed. "Seriously, though. Aside from a few bits of clothing – that I can see – the rest is all ready for the trash."

"What?!" I stood, rushing over to her side. "This is not all trash, Alice."

Alice buried her hands inside and pulled out…_something_. "You're telling me you wear everything in here?"

"Yes," I snapped defiantly.

"Fine. You can wear this tomorrow to brunch with Rose." She thrust the orange-green _Something_ into my hands.

I glared at her, "Okay, I don't wear everything in here. But a lot of it."

"How can you even tell? You probably have those hideous, ratty, old converses buried at the bottom of all this junk."

I frowned, "Nope, they're downstairs."

"Not your new ones," Alice sighed, exasperated. "Those horrendous things you wore practically every day of high school since you moved to Forks."

"Oh, those." I murmured, "Probably. But even if they are I'm not getting rid of them."

"Bella, they don't even fit you anymore!"

"Not the point. They have sentimental value."

Alice rolled her eyes. "At least let's make some room in here. We can put "sentimental" shit in the attic."

"I don't see what I have to make room for."

"Bella," Alice said, her tone suggesting she was talking to a small child, "you're about to become a married woman." My stomach flopped queasily. "You need new clothes."

"Why, exactly?" I dropped onto the bed.

"Because your clothes don't exactly say "married, sophisticated, young woman"."

"Tell me, Alice, what do they say?"

"They say "unhappy, trapped young woman"."

I glared at her. She gave me an apologetic grimace.

"Seriously, though, you need new clothes."

"Why?" I growled.

"Because I said so and that's the end of it."

I groaned in defeat. "Why Jasper puts up with you I'll never know."

Alice clapped her hands in triumph, "I could tell you why but it would probably weird you out."

I narrowed my eyes.

"I'm a freak in bed."

"Always the quiet ones," I deadpanned. Alice was anything but quiet.

"Come on, we need to start on this closet. Adjusting the seating chart can wait."

I gaped. "I thought you finished it?" I asked, heaving myself up from the bed to begin pulling everything out of the closet.

"Nope, a few more people need to be taken into consideration." She explained ever so patiently with a voice that secreted calm – her work voice no doubt, one she had mastered to perfection, used on hysterical brides to be.

"You've invited everyone in Forks, all our friends in Seattle, all Mike's friends and everyone we both work with. Who else could there possibly be?"

"We need to make room for plus ones. Oh, and the teachers from Forks."

"Heaven forbid what I would do if my high school teachers didn't turn up for my wedding."

A couple of hours later we were still sorting out the closet – though now there were piles of clothes and shoes and bits and pieces dotted about my bedroom.

Alice's phone chimed and she pulled it out of her pocket.

"Damn," she muttered.

"What's that?"

"Got a bridezilla freaking out, I'm gonna have to go sort this."

I stared, gaping at her. "You're not serious?"

Alice frowned, "What?"

"Alice! You've made me pull everything out of this closet, we're still not done and now you're just going to leave me to it?"

"Hey, it's your closet, not mine. It's not my fault you collect and keep every item of clothing you buy."

I huffed angrily. "Whatever. Put the kettle on, on your way out."

"I'll bring you back a Starbucks." She kissed the top of my head before skipping out the door.

After a while I managed the pull out everything from the closet and put into the separate piles – one for the attic, one for charity and one for keeps. Unfortunately the keeps pile was a lot smaller than the others – much to Alice's glee I was sure.

I stood with a smile, my hands on my hips, happy I had finally finished.

And then I looked up.

Fuck my life.

The shelf.

I had forgotten about the shelf at the top of the closet.

With an angry growl I grabbed the chair from my dressing table and stomped onto it, before swiping my hand across the entire shelf so everything it held dropped to the floor.

Then something fell with a crash.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

I jumped down from the chair and slumped back to the floor, yanking the offending item towards me.

It was an upturned wooden box.

My mouth fell open as I righted it and read the word painted on the top, pretty blue flowers and butterflies bunched next to it. "Memories".

It was something Esme had made for me not long after my mother had left Forks.

She had told me it was okay to cry.

_"Crying is nothing to be ashamed of, Bella," She said as she sat beside me of the couch in her living room. Her arm was wrapped around my shoulder, her free hand gave my own a gentle, reassuring squeeze. "But it's no good dwelling on something because it has ended. Smile because it happened." She pressed a kiss on the top of my head and I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent, revelling in the touch of a mother – something Renee never quite got the hang of, despite her love for me._

_When I opened my eyes I noticed the white box sat on the coffee table in front of me._

_I looked up at Esme and she offered me a warm smile, brushing my cheek with the back of her hand, swiping away a tear that had fallen._

_"Everything that has happened; the constant moving, Renee's indecisive nature, your mother leaving – all of it the good and the bad, it has made you who you are, Bella. It's made you the person my son has fallen so hard for. It's made you the wonderful girl I love as my own daughter. Don't resent the things that have happened in your life, no matter how awful, because without them you wouldn't be Bella."_

_I threw my arms around her and she rocked me gently, smoothing my hair as I cried. I wasn't aware of how long we sat like that, Esme holding me in her arms, me clinging to her like a lifeline, but I could think was that Renee had never held me like this. It hadn't been in her nature._

_After I pulled away Esme simply placed a gentle kiss to my forehead before heading out._

_I heard her whisper something to someone and seconds later I felt Edward lean over the back of the couch and wrap his arms around me from behind, his chin resting on my shoulder. I rested my hand on his forearm; my grip tighter than comfortable but he said nothing about it._

_I tilted my head resting it on his arm as I ran my free hand over the letters on the box._

_"I love you," he breathed, kissing my temple._

_He wasn't expecting me to say it back, that much I knew. It wasn't like he had never spoken the words before – he had, many a time – he had said it for many different reasons. This time when Edward said the words he was telling me so many different things, that he was there for me, that he was comforting me, that he wasn't going to let go like Renee had._

_With three little words he was telling me that he would remember me, this moment, my pain, my insecurity, my vulnerability…he would remember it all forever, and he didn't love me any less because of it._

_If anything he was telling he loved me more._

With trembling hands I opened the lid of the Memories Box, my heart pounding in my chest – with both excitement and absolute fucking terror at what I would find inside.

It had been years since I had opened the box and I felt sick to my stomach with guilt for having completely forgotten about something Esme had made me. Sweet, caring Esme who I missed so fucking much.

The first thing my eyes fell upon was that fucking hat. I couldn't help the small smile as I picked it up, running my hands over the beanie. I lifted it to my face and breathed in the scent, shocked that there was still a hint of Edward.

Over the years since my move to Forks the hat had been traded back and forth between us. His lucky hat.

I swallowed thickly as I placed in next to my knee.

When I moved my eyes back to the contents of the box a snort of laughter escaped me and I clapped my hand over my mouth.

Biting my lip I picked up the photo – worn and bent at the corners – of Edward and I at a college party, our first year. Our cheeks were stained red, our eyes glassy with inebriation. The top buttons of my low cut strappy shirt were open and torn while Edward's hair was mussed – his shirt dripping with beer I had just thrown over him after our very brief five second make-out session that had happened about five seconds before this picture had been taken.

All it had taken was five seconds of his tongue against mine for me to taste the cigarette he had just smoked.

We were stood about a foot apart, leant towards one another our arms out stretched, mid-gesture, angry expressions on our faces as we yelled at each other.

Not five seconds after that and we had launched ourselves at each other, my arms and legs wrapped around him, our lips locked in a furious kiss – the argument completely forgotten.

Someone had captured a picture of that, too, though I couldn't remember the last time I had seen it.

I rifled through the box, searching but I couldn't find it. I did, however, happen across an eggshell from the first time Edward had made me breakfast in bed, the morning after we had first slept together.

I found a note scrawled across a napkin that had come with a vanilla latte and a chocolate muffin – his peace offering to me after an argument we'd had before he left for work experience for a week in New York.

The night before I had tried to move things to his bedroom, needing to be close to him, feeling fucking terrified that he wouldn't come back – totally irrational but a fear that frequented me a lot since Renee's departure – and Edward had said he was tired, that he had to be up early and he wasn't in the mood. It had turned rapidly into a fight and I had ended up storming back to my dorm room in tears as he slammed the door shut behind me.

_I'm sorry, _the note said_, I knew you were anxious and shouldn't have been the insensitive fuck that I can be. _That was a load of bullshit – Edward was the most caring and sensitive guy I had ever met, when it came to me, anyway, and it had made me feel fucking guilty – which I doubt was his intention. _I bought your favourite. Peace offering? I miss you. Call me. E._

Another photo was buried under the bundle of memories and it brought a smile to my face. The six of us dressed up for the Halloween party our second year (Alice's first), Emmett and Rosalie as Danny and Sandie, Jasper and Alice as Peter Pan and Tinkerbelle – although Jasper had made a fuss about the tights – and then there was Edward and I.

Alice had kicked up a fuss that we wouldn't let her plan our costumes but we had both insisted Halloween was for horror, me more so for principle and Edward because for one thing he didn't want guys checking me out and for another – he knew Alice's plan for Jasper was no way in hell and I quote "letting Alice crush my jewels in fucking fairy tights".

I wore a cheerleading outfit, my hair mussed, face pale white, my eyes yellow with contacts with lines of fake blood dripping from my neck, head and mouth. Edward was dressed similarly in a ripped football outfit.

"Sexiest fucking zombie cheerleader I've ever seen." Edward had muttered into my ear as we danced.

Needless to say the party ended a little earlier for us than planned.

I looked through more photos, letters, cards before I found another memory in the form of a ring. A mood ring. It was one I had worn constantly for four years of my life and I had only taken it off the day Edward and I had ended it.

"_Hey, hey, hey!" I grabbed hold of Edward's arm before he could storm past me, so blind in his rage that he hadn't even noticed me as I leaned against my truck waiting to talk to him after school. I had an appointment at the doctors so I wasn't riding with Edward today. "What's up with you?"_

_He turned to face me with a look in his eyes that I couldn't identify at all. "Hey," he exhaled, taking a deep breath."_

"_What's the matter?" I asked, frowning. In the 10 months that I had known him I had never seen Edward like this. _

_He ran his hands through his hair with a huff before wrapping them around my own and pulling me closer to him._

"_Nothing," he muttered. _

"_Edward," I took his face in my hands, pulling him gently so he would look at me. "Talk to me."_

_His eyes danced back and forth between my own, seeming to search for something, before slowly he closed them and rested his forehead against mine. "Nothing, now, it doesn't matter."_

"_Of course it matters," I murmured, exasperated, "How can it not matter when you're all…you're…"_

"_When I'm what?" He lifted his head away, looking at me with his eyebrows raised in question._

"_I don't know," I snapped angrily, not liking that I couldn't tell what was wrong with him, "I've never seen you like this before."_

_Edward snorted, "Not an open book like you, I see."_

"_I'm not an open book!" I cried with indignation, shoving him away by his shoulders._

_He laughed, "Yeah, you are."_

"_Am not." I growled. "You can't always tell what I'm feeling."_

"_Sure I can," Edward smirked cockily._

"_No fucking way."_

_He "tutted", shaking his head, "Such a potty mouth." Edward moved closer to capture my lips with his own but I wouldn't let him._

"_Well, you won't be needing it then, will you?" I turned to open the door of my truck and heard him chuckling behind me. It only made me angrier. _

_I climbed into the driver's seat and slammed the door shut. Edward leant his folded arms against the open window, peering in with that fucking grin. _

"_You're just angry because I know you better than you know me."_

"_Bullshit." I glared out the window in front of me, not looking at him._

"_It's true."_

"_Prove it." I snapped. _

_Our moods had seemed to completely reverse in the time this conversation had taken. I was angry while Edward was cheerfully grinning with determination. _

"_I will. Tonight. Our 'rents are going on that trip thing for the weekend, we'll both have the houses to ourselves. Come and spend the night with me. I'll prove it then."_

_I blushed, my breath hitching in my throat. I knew this was going to happen soon, it was why I had a doctor's appointment in twenty minutes. I knew it would be happening sometime this weekend – how could we just let the opportunity pass us by._

_We were both ready, we had talked about it before. _

_My stomach fluttered and I swallowed._

_I glanced at Edward and he smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "I'll see you later."_

"_Okay."_

_I was sat on Edward's bed, my legs crossed indian style, as I twisted and twined my hands in my lap, chewing on my lip. _

"_Relax," Edward breathed, leaning over to kiss me softly and I couldn't help lifting my hand to brush it against his jaw. _

_Though he was the one calming me I could tell he was nervous too when he pulled away and ran a hand through his hair. "I have something for you." He said, before jumping off the bed to get whatever it was out of his desk draw. _

"_What is it?" I asked. _

_He came and sat on the bed in front of me with a smile. "You told me to prove that I know you better than you know me." _

_I nodded slowly, looking at his clenched fist._

"_Close your eyes." He told me._

_I did as he requested. I felt him take my right hand in his and slip something on my middle finger as he leaned in to press another sweet kiss against my lips. _

"_Open your eyes," he whispered._

_I looked down to see it was a mood ring. I smiled shaking my head. "This so doesn't count."_

_Edward grinned, interlocking his fingers with mine. "It's more of a reminder than anything else."_

_I frowned, "A reminder of what?"_

"_That I know you better than anyone."_

"_Which you still haven't proved," I hinted, not so subtly, looking down and running the tip of my thumb over the ring._

_Edward's soft voice hummed in the confortable quietness of the room. "You bite your lip when you're nervous or anxious." I looked up to see his face inches from mine, his eyes locking mine in an intense gaze that I couldn't look away from. "When you're lost in your own world and daydreaming or reading a book and concentrating you play with a strand of your hair. _

"_I can tell when you're really happy by the look in your eyes rather than your smile because your smiles aren't always true. You give a small, closed lip smile and you play with your hands when you're uncomfortable but don't want to be rude." He reached up to brush a strand of hair away from my eyes. "When you're nervous, or in an awkward situation or one that's really intense you smile when it isn't appropriate and you get a dimple in your chin because you don't know how else to handle it. The corners of your eyes crinkle a little when you smile when you're really happy, and it's big and wide and beaming like you can't contain your joy." I swallowed thickly. "When you're trying not to cry, you swallow and blink rapidly to stop the tears whether you're crying because you're happy or whether it's because you're sad." _

_Edward leaned even closer and ran the tip of his nose up and down the length of mine. _

"_When you're really upset and trying not to cry your hands tremble a little, and you wrap yours arms around yourself like you're trying to hold yourself together, and you get this… this _look_ in your eyes." He frowned unhappily. "When you're confused and frustrated there's a little crease between you're eyebrows. When you're tired you get cold and always wear one of my hoodies. You get irritable and snappy, too, but you don't let go of me, you'll keep hold of my hand and hug my arm to you – you're cuddly when you're tired despite the irritability." Edward grinned. _

"_When you're embarrassed you blush and your eyes dart around. When you're hiding something or trying to keep a secret you bite your nails." Edward ran his thumb softly against the back of my hand. "When you're excited or impatient your feet tap or you bounce your knees up and down. And when something takes you by surprise or something moves you, your breath hitches in your throat."_

_Tears welled in my eyes despite my attempt to keep them at bay and Edward smiled softly, kissing me so tenderly I wanted to cry. _

"_I know you, Bella," Edward breathed, his gaze intense, "I know all there is to know about you and I will forever." He ran his thumb over the mood ring. Then he suddenly blushed, catching me by surprise. "I…I don't earn much money but I know you prefer simple things, anyway, so…so this," he lifted my hand, indicating the ring, "is my version of a promise ring."_

_My breath hitched and Edward smiled._

"_I promise you, Bella, that I'll be the one to know you better than anyone else ever will, and I promise that I love you now and I'll love you forever."_

_The tears fell and I couldn't stop them. He had said it. He had said those words I had been too terrified to speak, and along with them he had proved that no one knew me like he did. _

_I looked down at the ring on my finger. It was so simple, probably cost no more than three dollars and yet it was suddenly the most precious thing I owned. _

_I looked back up at him thorough blurred vision with a watery smile. How could I respond to that? What could I say to top that beautiful fucking speech he had just given me._

_And then I realised, I didn't need to top it. There was one thing only that could make him feel exactly as I did now and it was all he needed to hear. _

"_I love you, too." I breathed. _

_His smile was blinding. And nothing else needed to be said. We spoke with kisses and touches and caresses._

_I slept better than I ever had that night and woke the next morning to a kiss and eggs and bacon in bed. _

With a trembling breath and tears on my cheeks I slipped the mood ring back on my finger for the first time in years, and I felt like I was home, and I felt alone, and I felt comforted and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

"Bella?"

I jumped, startled, and my head shot round to see Alice, standing in the doorway with a Starbucks in one hand and a chocolate muffin in the other.

More tears fell at the sight and Alice's face dropped with understanding when she saw the photos and the letters and notes and the hat in a circle around me.

"Bella," she breathed, sadly. She placed the latte and muffin on the dressing table before coming to crouch down next to me, pulling me into an embrace, stroking my hair.

"I miss him." My voice was thick with tears.

"I know." She kissed the top of my head.

"Everything I do, everywhere I look I'm reminded of him. Why can't I just fucking let go? Why can't he let me go?" I gripped angrily at my hair, my hands trembling.

"Because he's the love of your life." Alice said softly.

"SO WHY DID HE HAVE TO FUCK IT UP?" I shouted through my sobs, so fucking angry, so hurt, "WHY DID HE HAVE TO DO IT? WHY? HE FUCKING RUINED MY LIFE!" I was gasping frantically now, unable to get enough air into my lungs.

I couldn't breathe.

My throat was closing up.

"Bella! Bella, calm down! Deep breaths."

Alice's voice was small and distant.

He promised.

So where the fuck was he now?

***LHG***

**EPOV**

"If you're going to ignore me and stare at the T.V. at least have the decency to turn it on and pretend you're watching something."

I sighed heavily, rolling my eyes. "If you don't fucking like it, Emmett, then leave. It's not like I invited you here."

I was sat on the couch, nursing a beer, while staring at the blank T.V. screen, hoping Emmett would take the hint and just piss off. I wasn't in the mood for company. And the last person I wanted to talk to was Emmett. Thought he would have gotten the message when he started calling my home phone when my cell apparently wouldn't work.

I snorted. Course it wouldn't work. I'd smashed it to pieces after he'd told me about Bella two weeks ago.

"When are you going to sort yourself out?"

"What's that meant to mean?" I asked, simply out of boredom.

"You've been fucking hibernating since college, living off your inheritance. And when you do go out it's to pick up some slut for a one night stand then its back to hibernating."

"You sound like your wife." I taunted.

"At least I've made something of my life, Edward. At least I have a good job, a wife who loves me, a beautiful kid. What have you got?"

I decided not to answer, taking a swig of my beer instead.

"Oh, that's right. You've got your fucking alcohol."

I flipped him the bird, finishing the beer before getting another one from the fridge, and sitting back down, turning back to the blank T.V.

"I know you've had a difficult life, but, man, who the fuck hasn't?"

Again I chose to ignore him.

"You know, I understood it, at least a little, after your parents died. You were grieving, so we gave you time, Bella gave you time. But it's been four fucking years, man. Do you think Carlisle and Esme would want to see you like this?"

He could shut the fuck up. He didn't know shit.

"What happened, Edward?" I heard him sigh when he didn't get a response and he muttered something along the lines of, "Like talking to a brick wall."

"Again, if I wanted company I would have invited you."

"Why are you pushing me away?"

I laughed bitterly, "You sound like Bella."

Apparently I struck a nerve. "Why the fuck did you push _her_ away, Edward?" Emmett questioned, his voice rising. "What the fuck did she do wrong? Because as far as the rest of us could tell she was there for you throughout the whole thing. She was there for the funeral, fuck she planned the funeral, she was by your side every step of the fucking way and then one day you decided you no longer wanted to talk to her, she wasn't worthy of your time. You wouldn't answer her calls, her texts, you avoided bumping into her, you locked yourself in your dorm room and refused to open the door when she stopped by. Not a fucking word, Edward, you were just gone."

I stared resolutely at the screen, glaring holes into it, shaking my head. He knew nothing. He knew shit all, he had no fucking idea.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME!" Emmett was suddenly in front of the television, towering over where I sat on the couch, fuming. I'd never seen him so angry. "Do you have any idea what it was like for the rest of us? Not only did we have to deal with the fact that you only spoke to us when we went out of our way to get in touch with you, only fucking responding with one word answers. Do you have any idea what it was like to see Bella so fucking distraught? It fucking _killed_ her, Edward." Emmett shook his head, a look of disgust on his face. "The night I saw you at the bar, getting off with that skank-"

"The night you left then came back a fucking hour later and punched me in the fucking face?" I spat, standing.

"Yeah, that's the one. You wanna know why?"

"An explanation would be fucking nice," I said, knowing I was a fucking hypocrite.

"I left because I got a text from Rose, no one knew where Bella was. Wanna know where I found her? Do you want to know where she was while you were trying to get into the pants of some slut?"

I glared at him.

Emmett continued, "She was crying in her sleep, outside your dorm room. She had been there for fucking _hours_ sat outside on the floor wrapped up in your fucking hoodie and she was crying in her sleep for _you_."

I froze, staring, my heart in my throat.

Emmett's voice shook when he spoke again. "She was crying your name, begging you to talk to her, begging you to tell her what was wrong." Emmett swallowed, shaking his head. "Do you have any idea what it was like seeing her like that? I carried her back to her room and she didn't stop crying for a second." He rubbed his face with his hand. "I took her back to her room, put her in bed and she started screaming." His eyes were dark and haunted, remembering. "I couldn't wake her up. She was screaming for you not to leave her."

Emmett sat down, exhausted. But I couldn't move. I felt like I was going to be sick, like my heart was going to burst out of my fucking chest.

"Bella means as much to me as Alice. She's like another little sister to me. And to see her like that, knowing you had done that to her…" He let out a shaky sigh. "That's why I fucking punched you." He gave a humourless snort, "You're lucky that's all I did."

It killed me to know I had hurt her like that.

My head was pounding. The room was spinning. All I could hear was the thumping of my heart in my head, Bella, crying, her messages, the sound of her broken voice as she said goodbye to me one last time via fucking voicemail.

"_I don't know what happened. I know you're hurting because of your parents I just…I don't know what I did. I keep playing everything over and over in my head and I still don't know what I did wrong. I…I'll let you go, Edward. That seems to be what you want. Fuck, I don't know what you want you won't fucking talk to me. I…I guess you were right. I'm the fucking open book and I don't know you like you know me. You proved me wrong. Goodbye, Edward. I'll love you forever. I promise."_

I found myself on my knees in front of the toilet throwing up everything in my stomach. Whiskey, beer, brandy – the fucking lot.

I pushed myself away from the basin, slumping back against the wall, my head in my hands.

"You know what I think?" Emmett murmured from where he appeared in the doorway. "I think you and Bella are more alike than we ever thought possible. You've both lost people you care about but you responded in different ways. Bella grasped at the people she loved and refused to let go. You pushed away the people you loved."

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain.

"Bella was terrified of losing you after Renee walked out, so she clung to you, desperate to keep you close. You were terrified of losing her like you did your parents so you pushed her away."

Deep fucking down I hated Emmett right now.

Deep fucking down I knew he was right.

I stood, pulling myself up by the sink and brushed my teeth, rinsing my mouth out.

Emmett watched me from where he leant in the doorway, reaching for his phone when it rang.

"Hello?" He answered. "Whoa, Alice, calm down, what's going on?...Hospital?! Is she okay?...What do you mean you don't know?"

I looked up at his reflection in the mirror to see his eyes wide and worried, I frowned, turning round to face him.

"Right, I'll be there in five. Have you called Charlie?"

My head snapped up. Charlie? She wouldn't need to call Charlie unless…

"Bella," I choked out.

Emmett nodded, watching me warily. "No that's fine. Alice, she'll be fine, this has happened before, she'll be okay. I'll be there in five minutes."

"I'm coming with you," I said as I followed him to the door.

"I don't know if-"

"I'm coming with you!"

"Fine. Come on."

I grabbed my keys before rushing out the door. We took the stairs – it was quicker than waiting for the elevator. "What happened?" I asked as we climbed into the Volvo.

"She had a panic attack."

Fuck. "Did she pass out? Hit her head? Who was she with?"

"She was with Alice. I don't know." Emmett kept shooting glances between the speed dial and me as my foot hit the floor. "Edward, she'll be fine, it's happened before."

What was being left unsaid hung thick in the air. She'd never had a panic attack without me there to calm her down before.

I pushed the Volvo to go faster, the engine whining in protest.

"Ed, man, I don't think you should be driving."

"Like fuck I shouldn't." I growled.

"You've been drinking."

"I don't give a shit, Emmett, Bella's in the fucking hospital."

"I know, dude, but we don't want to turn up there on fucking gurneys."

I swerved round a fucking cyclist and Emmett swore loudly. "I have a kid, man!"

Blue flashing lights caught my eyes in the rear view mirror and the sirens reached our ears seconds later.

"Fuck!" I slammed my fist against the steering wheel.

"Pull over." Emmett muttered.

"I need to get to Bella."

"You won't get to see Bella for the next ten fucking years if you don't pull this car over." Em shouted.

"Fuck!" I pulled over to the side of the road, resting my forehead against the wheel, trying to calm my breathing as my fists clenched tightly around it. I squeezed my eyes shut before a rapping on my window made me lean back into the seat. I rubbed my hand over my face as I unwound the window with the other.

"What the fuck?" I heard Emmett mutter.

I looked up to see the officer stood outside my door.

"You look like shit, kid." He said to me with a sigh.

"…thanks Charlie."

***LHG***

**EPOV**

"When are you gonna let me out of here?" I sighed heavily, shifting on the uncomfortable plastic chair, only attempting to drink the shit that these people called coffee because I needed to wash the alcohol out of my system.

"When you calm the fuck down." Charlie said simply as he sat opposite me on the other side of the table in the little interrogation room, arms folded, relaxed.

"Why are you here?"

"Well, you see, I pulled over this punk ass kid who thought he could not only drink and drive but do seventy in a thirty zone."

"Ha fucking ha." I rolled my eyes. "What are you doing in Port Angeles?"

"I'm visiting my daughter."

I arched an eyebrow and he knew exactly what my dubious look meant.

"It's not my fault I just so happened to have a friend who worked at the station and needed some help."

"More like you pestered until they gave you something to do when you weren't with Bella."

Charlie shrugged one shoulder, no longer sheepish or apologetic. His eyes – so fucking much like his daughters – bored into mine.

I sighed knowing the real questions were coming.

"What the hell were you thinking Edward?"

"I was thinking Bella was admitted into fucking hospital, that's what I was thinking." I spat.

"Bella's fine."

"You've seen her?"

"Of course I've seen her, I'm her father. Alice called me the second after she called the ambulance. Bella's okay now." He shifted in his chair.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Charlie surveyed me for a minute before answering softly, "They had to sedate her."

I inhaled deeply.

"It was only mild, she woke up not long after. She was coherent enough to talk to me."

When I looked up again Charlie was watching me carefully. "She told me to give you something."

"…what?" I asked, hesitant.

Charlie pulled his jacket from the back of his chair, unzipping a pocket and pulling out something grey and woollen before handing it across the table to me.

I swallowed as I took the beanie in my hands – my shaking hands – fuck. I clenched my fists around the lucky hat.

"W-" I cleared my throat, "Why did she…did she say…?"

"Alice told me that she had called Emmett, said that he was with you. I let the girls know I was coming to find you and Bella gave it to me. She said you'd need it if I was gonna go "Chief" on you, whatever that means." Charlie grumbled and I smiled weakly.

Charlie leaned forward, "What happened, Edward?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled, refusing to take my eyes away from the hat in my hands.

"Don't bullshit me, Edward. Both you and Bella kept your mouths shut about why you broke up, now I'm getting fucking tired of this shit. I wanna know what happened." When I still wouldn't look at him Charlie tried another tactic. "You know you're like a son to me, it wasn't just Bella I was worried about when it ended between the two of you."

I frowned.

"You wanna know what happened to Bella, why she had a panic attack?"

Charlie was a smart man, he knew how to get my attention. I looked up sharply and nodded.

"Alice said they'd been cleaning out Bella's closet. Alice had a work thing that popped up, she said when he got back she found Bella surrounded by…mementos, I suppose…all of which related to you in one way or another." Charlie stared at me, watching my reaction before continuing. "You know, there are times I really convince myself that Bella's moved on and then something happens, something like this, or she'll say or do something and I can see how much she really misses you.

"And then there's you. You don't keep in touch anymore. From what I've heard from Alice and Emmett you don't see much of them, you hide away in your apartment, drinking all day.

"Tell me, Edward, how is this healthy for either of you? It's clear to everyone who knows you both that neither of you are happy, despite how much you insist otherwise.

"What happened?"

I shook my head slowly back and forth, fucking hating the tear that blurred my vision.

"Everything. Nothing. Life. I…I have no idea, it wasn't anything specific it was a lot of things." I brushed my hand roughly over my eyes, angry. "Too much was happening and we had completely different ways of dealing with things. We were both scared." I shook my head, "Bella was scared and clung to me, I was scared and pushed her away." I buried my face in my hands. "I pushed her further and further away until one day she had completely disappeared from my life and I had no fucking idea how it had happened.

"I guess it started when my parents died and then everything just snowballed. She…we…" I took a deep, trembling breath, "…she was pregnant."

I couldn't look up, I couldn't pull myself away from my hands to look at Charlie, terrified of what I would see. "She told me after New Year's, after my parents died. Bella said she'd found out a little while ago but didn't want to bring it up right after Carlisle and Esme…said she wanted to give me time, us both time, to grieve.

"I had really started to drink after mom and dad-… Bella and I were arguing more because I was pushing her away, I wouldn't talk about it, I just…I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to think about anything." I closed my eyes, running my hands through my hair, gripping tighter than comfortable but I needed the pain to carry on, to keep talking.

"This baby meant everything to us, it was the fresh start that we needed after everything with my parents and the arguing and the drinking. We planned to tell everyone after Bella's first scan. We were both still in college obviously but if Bella needed to take time off it didn't matter, money wasn't an issue because of my inheritance. But then," I cleared my throat again, trying to will away the lump that was rising, "I was sat in this room, holding Bella's hand waiting to see something, anything. The doctor was silent, she didn't say anything for ages and I knew something was wrong. Bella did, too, she was holding my hand so fucking tight." I squeezed my eyes shut tight, pressing the tears back. "It was an ectopic pregnancy. The doctor said the chances of both Bella and the baby surviving the full pregnancy were slim and the only safe option for Bella was to…to…we had to…"

Despite my eyes clenched tightly shut, the tears still manages to escape the corners and rolled down my cheeks. My hands were fists in my hair.

"Bella was fucking heartbroken and there was nothing I could do to fix it. There was nothing I could do to make it better. I was angry and frustrated and hurt and so was she and we took it out on each other. Bella wanted to talk about it, just like she wanted to talk about my parents. I wanted to be there for her, I did, god I did but I wanted to make it all go away, I wanted to make everything better for her but I couldn't and I was scared that, that was what she wanted, too. And so I started pushing her away again, because I didn't want to talk about it and that was so clearly what she needed and I couldn't give it to her."

I couldn't give Bella what she wanted, what she needed. I was a fucking asshole who was too much of a fucking pussy that I couldn't just talk to my girlfriend about our baby, about my parents and I fucking let her go. I let her go I let her walk away when she needed me to hold on just like I always promised her I would.

"FUCK!" I slammed my fists against the table, before shoving away. The chair fell to the floor behind me with a crash and it felt good. It felt so fucking good to let it all out.

Suddenly a blinding pain shot through my knuckles, fist, all the way up my arm. I cried out in pain and anger – both of which spurred me on. I pulled back my shattered hand, ready to punch the wall again but something was holding me back.

"Calm down. Edward! Calm down, son."

I stumbled backwards and felt myself collapsing but Charlie lowered me slowly to the ground.

"He's fine, I've got him. You can go."

Through my tears I saw two heavy-built police officers stood just inside the room.

"Chief Swan-"

"Leave. Please. He's okay, now, he won't be throwing anymore punches. It's the furniture you should be worried about. Just get out."

The officers were hesitant but they did as Charlie asked.

"We'll be just outside if you need us." One muttered before closing to door behind him.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled to Charlie.

"Don't be. You did more damage to yourself than you did to anything in this room."

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall, clutching my hand to my chest. "I think I deserve it after what I've done to your daughter." I murmured.

Charlie sighed, "You've both been through a lot. I think you were both just too young to be expected to cope with everything that was put on your shoulders.

"But, Edward. You need to make a choice, okay? And you need to think carefully about it because neither you or Bella will ever be able to move on if you don't make a decision and gain some sort of closure."

"What decision?" I whispered.

"You either need to go see Bella – preferably before her wedding," I grimaced at the reminder, "and let her know how you feel, because I know you're still in love with my daughter. Or…you need to let her go."

Hours later I stood outside Bella's hospital room, watching as her chest rose and fell slowly, deep in sleep.

I swallowed thickly, hating that I hadn't been there for her, knowing how much those panic attacks scared her. Fuck, how many had she had since we'd split? It fucking killed me knowing that this time I had been the cause, I was the reason for the attack rather than the cure.

My hand clenched around the photo in my pocket, the photo I carried with me everywhere. I pulled it out, blinking back the wetness in my eyes as I stared and myself and Bella locked in a furious kiss seconds after we had just been screaming at one another. I clenched my jaw against the trembling smile that threatened to grace my lips.

Fuck.

I knew what I had to do.

***LHG***

**BPOV**

I took a deep breath, as I looked myself over in the full-length mirror, adjusting my hair – styled in gorgeous loose curls – around my shoulders.

My eyes, framed by my long lashes enhanced with Alice's flaw perfecting make-up, roamed up and down the fitted off white lace gown I was wearing, flaring out ever so slightly at the knees.

It was simple, it was beautiful it was so totally me.

I smiled softly, blinking rapidly to stop the tears. This was it. This was really happening. Everyone was waiting downstairs for me and yet I felt completely content – a glaring contrast to the emotions that had been running through me before.

_My hands trembled as I twisted my engagement ring round and round on my finger. My breath was coming in short choppy gasps and more than once I'd had to go lie down in the other room – much to Alice's dismay, panicking about crinkling my dress. _

_I couldn't care less about crinkling my dress. Sure it was stunning, but it was definitely more Alice than me. She, after all, had picked it out. When I had asked her to plan everything I meant everything. I, however, was worried about more pressing matters – like the people waiting downstairs for me, all their eyes on me, tripping up as I stumbled ungracefully down the aisle, feeling the eyes of the man at the alter staring at me._

_I bounced my knees up and down where I sat on the chair with my back to the mirror, I didn't want to look at myself, if I saw myself dressed up like this I was afraid my nerves would get the best of me and crinkling my dress would be the least of Alice's worries as I wretched over the toilet. _

"_Bella?" Alice murmured quietly, I snapped my head to face her where she was sat on the other side of the room by the door waiting for the signal that we were ready to go. "Are you sure you want to wear that? I mean what with your engagement ring and all it might look a bit…" she gestured to the blue mood ring placed firmly on my middle finger._

"_It's her wedding day Alice," Rose snapped, "If she wants to wear it she can wear it."_

"_Right, of course, sorry."_

_I turned my gaze to the mood ring, rubbing my thumb over the smooth surface, only half paying attention to Rose's comment of, "Honestly, Alice, for a wedding planner you sure know how to ease the nerves of the bride minutes from the ceremony."_

_I didn't listen to Alice's retort; I could hardly hear anything over the ringing in my ears._

"_Alice is right, Isabella." I looked up to see Renee stood in front of me with a smile plastered across her face. Yeah, Alice had somehow managed to get through to Renee despite my many attempts, which only ever resulted in answer machines or excuses. "It surely can't be good luck to wear the ring an ex-boyfriend gave you, on the day you get married. And it does clash with that gorgeous engagement ring of yours."_

_I clenched my hands together in hope to stop the trembling._

"_It's my something blue." I murmured, terrified at the thought of taking it off, my voice sounding clogged up and husky. "Can I get some water?" _

"_I'll get it," Alice jumped up and rushed out the door. _

"_Water?" Renee chuckled, "It's your wedding day, you should be drinking champagne." She picked up my glass that I had left untouched on the dressing table and tried passing it to me._

"_Mom, really, I don't want it. The chances are pretty high that I'm going to trip down the aisle I don't need alcohol to ensure that it happens."_

"_Don't be ridiculous Isabella, a sip won't hurt you." She placed the glass on a small table next to me before taking my hand in hers. "Now let me get this ring off you, it looks hideously cheap next to the sapphire-"_

"_She wants the wear the damn ring so let her wear the damn ring." Rose stood and headed towards us, taking my hand from Renee's and into hers. She gently tugged so I stood before she sat me down on the couch in her previous position – away from Renee. "And if she doesn't want champagne then she doesn't have to have champagne, it's her wedding day, what the bride wants the bride gets."_

_Renee sniffed before sitting down in my original spot and swallowing my glass of champagne._

_I found that I couldn't let go of Rosalie's hand, she squeezed mine comfortingly and sat back down beside me. _

"_You look beautiful," she said softly, "and the ring is perfect."_

_I smiled shakily and Rose returned it but I could see it didn't quite reach her eyes._

_Alice suddenly burst into the room before slamming the door closed behind her. She blushed when she turned to see us all staring at her._

"_Alice, where's the water?" Rose asked._

"_They were out."_

"_Of water?"_

"_Just…get over here." She hissed._

_Rose rolled her eyes before standing and heading to Alice who was now frantically whispering in her ear._

_Rosalie's eyes lit up and she grinned, Alice was smiling too but she looked a little manic like she couldn't decide between jumping up and down and clapping or screaming hysterically and panicking._

"…_but the wedding's about to start." I caught a hiss from Alice._

"_It's up to Bella." _

"_What's going on?" Renee asked._

_The girls ignored her._

_Rose came and sat back down next to me. "Bella," she said quietly as though forcing calm into her voice, "there's someone here to see you."_

_I frowned, "Who?"_

_Rose opened her mouth but the shriek of "Edward!" didn't come from her._

_My head snapped up once again to Alice who was still stood with her back pressed against the door. Her hands were slapped over her cheeks as though in shock at her own excitement._

"_E-Edward?" I stuttered. "But…but I'm getting married."_

"_He just wants to talk." Rose assured me._

"_He said he has something to give you." Alice piped in. _

"_You don't have to talk to him at all, we don't even have to let him in if you don't want." Rose said soothingly but I could see the excitement in her eyes as well. _

"_Let him in?"_

"_He's right outside the door," Alice was grinning from ear to ear._

"_Tell him to leave." Renee's voice pierced through the questions that were spinning through my mind at a hundred miles an hour. "That boy missed his chance years ago, he thinks he can come here and ruin my daughters wedding day, well, I think not. How dare-"_

"_I want to see him."_

_My eyes widened and my mouth gaped, but the words were out, I had said them before even realising that that was what I wanted. _

"_You're sure?" Rose asked, her eyes boring into mine._

_I nodded slowly._

_Rose suddenly jumped up and yanked open the door before I even had time to really process what the hell was going on._

_And there he was, his eyes darting about the room as he entered and the green orbs landed on my mother – who was stood in the centre of the room in front of where I sat on the couch, her arms folded – before anyone else._

"_What the fuck are you doing here?" He gaped._

_Renee huffed, "This is my daughter's wedding day, Edward, I should be here."_

"_You fucking abandoned her." He growled, his brows furrowing into an unhappy frown. _

_Renee's gaze, once warm and friendly when upon Edward, was now cold and hard. "It would do you well not to forget that I am not the only person in this room who has "abandoned" Isabella, as you put it. You left her when she needed you."_

"_She only ever needed me because you fucked off."_

"_Edward," I murmured, having heard enough of this. My voice sounded a lot stronger than I felt and I was grateful. I stood and his eyes fell on mine. They softened then widened. "Why are you here?"_

"_Bella," he breathed, "you look…stunning."_

_I cleared my throat, "Thank you." _

"_I…I'm sorry this is really, really bad timing."_

_I arched an eyebrow incredulously, "You think? I have half of Port Angeles and the entire population of Forks downstairs waiting to watch me get married."_

"_I know. I just…I don't even know where to start."_

"_Alice said you wanted to give me something?"_

_He nodded, "Yeah." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out…_

"_Your hat?"_

_Edward nodded, playing with the hat, tossing it from hand to hand. "I know you can't exactly wear it but…I thought it could be your something old."_

"_You want to give me your hat?"_

_He nodded again._

"_But you love that hat, it's your-"_

"_Lucky hat, I know. I thought it would bring you luck on your," he cleared his throat with a small frown, "on your wedding day." He gave me a small, sad smile. "I know we always joked about wearing it., so I thought you should have it with you today. I just… I never thought it wouldn't be me you were marrying."_

"_Neither did I." I murmured. _

_Edward stepped closer and held out the beanie. I took it. "Thank you."_

_He leaned forward, his hand moved to cup my cheek and it felt warm and rough and perfect. His lips pressed to my forehead and my eyes fluttered shut as I breathed in his scent._

"_Congratulations, Bella."_

_I opened my eyes to see him gazing at me._

"_I wish you all the happiness in the world." His words were imploring and sincere._

_His thumb gently caressed my cheekbone before he turned and headed towards the door. _

_What the fuck?_

"_Is that it?" I demanded. The words were out, once again, before I had even consciously realised what I wanted. _

_He stopped, his back to me, a foot halfway out the door. He turned._

"_I'm sorry?"_

"'_Congrats, Bella, have a good life I'll fuck off now'. Is that all I get?" I stared at him, my mouth agape, seriously fucked off. Because he was what I wanted, more than anything, and I would be damned if I let him walk out on me now. _

"_What do you want me to say?" He asked, incredulously._

"_I don't know Edward, but I'm seconds away from getting married, you'll never have another chance, this is it, this is the last time you'll ever get to say anything you like to me and all I get is a fucking 'congratulations' and a hat?!"_

"_I'm trying to let you go, Bella. I'm trying to give you the chance to move on with your life."_

"_Is that what you want?"_

"_What?"_

"_Is that what you want?" I repeated. "Do you want me to move on and get on with my life like you were never a part of it?"_

"_I…I'm trying to give you closure."_

"_Oh. Well, that's a lovely wedding present, thank you." I snapped._

"_What the fuck do you want from me?" He growled, coming toward me. "I'm trying, finally, to do something that's selfless, to give you closure, to make you happy and this is what I get for it?" He was hardly a meter away from me now, frowning fiercely, his eyes glaring, sparkling, fuck he was beautiful. "Do you have any idea how long I've been agonising over this? For two and a half weeks I've been going over and over this in my head, playing out this fucking conversation, for _you_. Do you have any idea how much it killed me to say all of that to you? Do you think I want this? Do you think I want you to forget about me? I'm fucking in love with you, Bella, I've always loved you and I know I always will."_

_Rose and Alice were stood by the door watching the whole scene play out, I heard them both "aww" so quietly I almost missed it and yet I only had eyes for Edward. _

"_You're it for me, Bella, I know that." He continued. "And I know you're too fucking good for me. And I don't ever want to hurt you again. I've watched you walk out of my life now more times than I can count but I've never really let you go and that's only caused you pain and I can't do it anymore I can't hurt you so I'm finally fucking letting you go, okay?"_

"_Ugh, just let the man go, Isabella, he-"_

"_Would you please shut the fuck up!" Rose snapped at Renee._

"_No." I said. "No it's not okay. You're a fucking idiot." I shoved him. Hard. "You're an asshole, you're a complete and utter shithead." With every horrible adjective I could think of I gave him a shove, I hit my hand against his chest. "But you're _my_ fucking shithead and I'm not going to let you push me away this time. I won't fucking let you." I hit him again, angry at him, angry at myself for letting him affect me this way, for letting him and this situation reduce me to tears. "Because I love you. No matter how much I try to deny it and no matter how many times I try to tell myself I'm happy I can't fucking function without you and I hate you for it. I hate you for everything. I hate you for letting me walk away I hate you for not fighting harder for me and I really, really hate how much I fucking love you."_

_Tears were rolling down my cheeks, mascara no doubt creating streaks, but I couldn't even bring myself to brush them away. I was a pathetic, horrible person. Here I was on my wedding day, crying over a man who was definitely not my fiancé and I couldn't even feel bad about it because I was so completely indifferent towards my fiancé and so utterly in love with the man in front of me. _

_I lifted a trembling hand to my forehead, rubbing away the headache, holding the memory of his kiss to me when I felt his hand reach for mine. I opened my eyes to see Edward's focussed on my hand. _

_I looked down and realised what he was staring at._

_His thumb was running over my mood ring. "You're…you're wearing it." He breathed. _

"_I've been wearing it for the past two weeks." I told him. _

_He glanced up at me in realisation, his eyes glistening with tears. "Alice said…the hospital…I'm sorry I wasn't there."_

"_Wanna know a secret?" I whispered._

_Edward nodded slowly, a small, weak smile creeping across his face._

"_I love this cheap, three dollar mood ring more than I like my ten thousand dollar engagement ring. Don't tell anybody."_

_Then his hands were on either side of my face and his lips were on mine, caressing, licking, nipping. My hands were in his hair, tugging, holding him close._

"_I'd never tell anybody your secrets," he breathed, his lips moving against mine as he whispered. His arms moved to wrap around my waist while mine curled tightly around his neck._

"_Promise you won't let go." I pleaded._

_He kissed the tears from my cheeks before resting his forehead against mine own. "I promise, never again."_

_Screaming startled us out of our little bubble._

"_Yes dude!"_

"_Finally!"_

"_Awwww!"_

"_Yes, yes, yes!"_

_Apparently Emmett and Jasper had come to see what the hold up was and neither of them nor the girls seemed the least bit sorry the wedding wouldn't be going ahead. _

_Charlie appeared behind the guys where they stood in the doorway._

"_Took your time." He said to Edward, arching an eyebrow._

_Edward's arms tightened around me, "Sorry, Chief."_

_Charlie simply grinned at him, a smile he had never offered Mike. "Better late than never."_

Edward and I'd had a lot to work through. A lot of things had needed to be aired out and put out in the open. And it had taken a long time and a lot of tears. The things that we went through, the things that had been said and done to one another, it would never be forgotten, neither of us could forget because a very wise and wonderful woman once told me that even the bad things make us who we are. But we have forgiven.

Old issues and injuries had been laid to rest we even grieved for the baby we had never met.

And now here we were a year later in Esme and Carlisle old house in Forks, getting married, as we should have done all those years ago.

***LHG***

**EPOV**

"So Mrs Cullen, are you enjoying the party?"

Bella beamed, her eyes shone and crinkled around the edges, as she had done so too many times today to count. It was like she couldn't contain her joy. She was happy. "I am thoroughly enjoying the party, how about you, Mr Cullen?"

I held her close to me as we swayed on the dance floor under the stars in my parents back garden, our closest friends and family dancing around us, some eating, some taking pictures, but I only had eyes for my wife, my beautiful bride. Fuck she had never looked more gorgeous. I pressed a kiss to her lips, just because I could and I felt like it.

"The party is just fine," I said when I finally, reluctantly pulled away.

"But?" She asked, gazing up at me while her fingers played with the hair at the nape of my neck.

"But I just can't wait to whisk you away for our honeymoon."

Bella smiled, her eyes darkening with lust. I lowered my forehead to rest against hers and pulled her impossibly closer to me. "We're away for two whole weeks and I can promise you, Mrs Cullen, for at least the first week we won't step a foot outside the hotel room."

"Mmm, sounds good to me." Bella hummed in appreciation then gasped when she felt just exactly how excited I was for our honeymoon.

I smiled sheepishly and leaned down to capture her lips with mine, again. I couldn't keep my mouth off her. Fuck I couldn't wait to have my mouth somewhere else.

"Shit," I groaned softly against her lips, "baby, you're gonna have to stay close to me for a bit."

Bella giggled, clearly enjoying herself at my expense, little minx. "I have no problem with that whatsoever."

"Dammit," I hissed when she pressed her hips tighter against my own, "Bella, come with me."

"Edward," she gasped mockingly, "in front of all these people?"

"You're hilarious, baby."

"That's why you love me."

"I do love you," I told her, sincerely, "so much. But we really gotta get inside, you need to change so we can head to the airport."

"Now?" She asked.

I nodded, "Mmhmm, there's a quick stop I want to make first."

"Okay." She stood on her tiptoes running her nose along mine before pressing our lips together in a sensual kiss. "And I love you, too."

We stumbled inside together and rushed upstairs before anyone spotted us. There were a few number of people who'd had their fair share of alcohol so it wasn't too difficult.

Bella quickly changed into a sexy little blue dress that made me groan and have to adjust myself in my pants – this only made her laugh.

I grabbed our suitcases and she followed me to the car.

We were gone before anyone even noticed we were no longer on the dance floor.

"So where are we going?" Bella asked, reaching for my hand across the gear stick.

"You'll see," I grinned.

Twenty minutes I pulled into a drive-through.

"What are we doing here?" Bella wondered.

"Thought we'd get a quick snack before our flight."

Bella smiled and shrugged easily, "Okay."

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face as I watched Bella devour her Taco Bell.

"_Wanna know a secret?"_

"_Always."_

"_I only ever had one thing in common with Mike and it's pathetic. Neither of us like Taco Bell."_

"What?" Bella asked, mouth full, as I sat there grinning at her like a fool.

I kissed her full on the mouth, Taco Bell and all.

"Nothing." I said, running my thumb over my own mood ring, hung on a chain around my neck. "I just fucking love you."

No one knows my wife like I do, not even she. And no one ever would.

Because I wasn't letting her go.

We were in this shit together now. Till death do us part.

_End_

* * *

**So as I said this was just an idea I had and it actually turned out completely different to what I expected, but hey, I liked it :)**

**Did you?**

**Review please. **


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